I have been humbled, once again, by my Christ. I just finished reading Chapter 14 and suddenly I can't read any farther, can't do anything except get to the computer and write, if only to lift the sudden weight that is pressing on my chest. I had a feeling of what was to come after Chapter 13. The picture at the top of Chapter 14 confirmed that feeling, but it wasn't until I read the chapter that it hit me. Hard.
This connection is going to be obvious to all of you, but for some reason this is the connection that has struck the hardest, left the biggest impact out of all that I have read so far, and so this is what I want to write about.
Aslan gave his life for Edmund. All through the second half (of what I have read so far) I have had negative feelings about Edmund. How he was so easily turned against his own family. I guess since I have a strong connection with my family, I could never imagine doing what Edmund did. And yet at the same time I realize that the White Witch (the tempest) knew Edmund's weaknesses and used charisma to change him, change his thoughts, change his feelings.
I was glad when I read about Edmund's reconciliation with his siblings, yet I felt inexplicably angry at him for causing Aslan's death. Lewis made it so easy to picture everything that was going on, picture every creature, that it was hard for me to read about his death, to picture his mane being shaved and the creatures beating him and mocking him.
And so I am humbled. Because, through this visual, I am taken back to when my Christ died for me. For my sins. I can almost imagine what it would have been like to witness the mockery and rejection. The passage in Chapter 14 about the walk to the Stone Table was incredibly hard for me to read.
And so this brings me to this weight that seems to be anchored to my chest. Because now I can more fully understand exactly what happened on that day long ago. And while I feel a deeper love and appreciation, I also feel guilt - strong guilt - because I am Edmund. I once read a quote that "Christ died for us so that he wouldn't have to live eternally without us." What amazing love! And how undeserving am I?! I am awed by what my God did for me before I was even created. I didn't expect to have such strong feelings about something I read in a book written for children.
I'm not sure if this will make sense to any of you. I tend to ramble when I have a lot of thoughts that I need to get down all at once, and in all probability, this is a revision of what I originally wrote, as I go back and try to make things clearer. But this chapter really hit home for me, and I wanted to try and share those thoughts with all of you. Because maybe someone else is thinking the same, or maybe someone will be impacted like I was. I don't know. Thank you for allowing me to ramble.
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3 comments:
We are all Edmunds.
Aren't you glad for moments where, by the grace of God, we realize our horrid sinfulness? Such moments are incredibly humbling, but point to the amazing gospel by which we are saved.
Thank you for sharing your conviction with us.
I enjoyed your post Emily. The stone table scene gets me everytime. Especially when I saw it visually in the movie.
One thing I did notice about Edmund and they made it real clear in the movie...was that he was suffering a great deal with the loss of his father. Or at least it showed that the source of Edmunds problems where stemming from his hurt over having lost his father to the war.
The seperation from the father hurts.
Aslan knew that pain as well.
Thankfully we all get reunited to the Father because of Christs sacrifice for us on the cross!!!
Emily, you are not alone! Everytime, I feel humbled and convicted. This book is probably one of my favorites...while the connection is readily made, the impact and implications behind it are so much bigger than we can imagine. It's so wonderful to share in that revelation of how awesome our God is, what amazing love we receive. Thanks for sharing :)
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