Friendship

I agree with Lewis that Friendship is unnecessary. Although we cannot imagine our lives without our friends, we do not need them to survive. We could argue that Friendship is beneficial to us, but not that we cannot live without it. Friendship is also unnecessary because it focuses on a common interest. As Lewis says, Friendship is side-by-side, not face-to-face as in Eros. Becoming too focused on an interest in Friendship, or even on one another as in Eros, may even become dangerous to one’s spiritual relationship with God. But then, could we argue that anything apart from God is unnecessary? Or even detrimental to our relationship with God?

The fact that Friendship is uninquisitive and uninterested in the affairs of one’s friends (their background, family, profession, etc.) can be understood as a way to reduce distraction from the most important thing in our lives—knowing God. I think of it almost as if we only have a certain amount of attention that we can devote to other things. If Friendship is as Lewis states, that it is focused on a common interest, then it does not use up much of our attention. Eros, on the other hand, since it is focused on an individual and, as a result, is also focused on what the individual does, takes more attention away from us and ultimately from God.

But Lewis writes that marriage is a danger to one’s spiritual life not because of Eros or Venus but because of the attention to trivial and mundane affairs (pp. 96-97). So maybe then you could argue that Friendship, since it is focused on a common interest and our interests are not necessary for survival, is actually giving attention to trivial affairs and this is why Friendship is unneccessary. But then Friendship would be considered a danger and objections would rise against this idea because Lewis defines Friendship as a Love. If Friendship is a Love and God is Love, then how can Friendship be dangerous? But God is dangerous in his wrath and justice.

I don’t know if I achieved any further discussion here and I might not be making any sense. I am simply trying to understand Lewis’ thinking about Friendship and Eros by working through my thoughts.