Mine

As I sit here staring at my computer screen wondering what to reflect on and knowing I have only 20 minutes to make up my mind, I recall that Screwtape mentions in one of his letters (XXI) the human tendency to place ownership on time. Even now I feel as though I must finish this blog post so that I can move on to doing the things I would rather do with "my" time. I am only too quick to believe that "my time is my own," and that I actually have the right to spend 24 hours of each day in my own way.

We wake up each morning, fully expecting that the plans we have can and should be executed in whatever manner we have in mind. When our time is our own we are fiercely possessive of it. Thus we are easily angered by things, people and situations that interfere. As Screwtape observes, "nothings throws [us] into a passion so easily as to find a tract of time which [we] reckoned on having at [our] own disposal unexpectedly taken from [us]." Why are we so upset by red lights? By waiting in line? By unexpected meetings or last minute assignments? Because they aren't a part of our day as we planned it and they take up time we could be spending doing something more egocentric.

Not only are we "put out" when things don't go as planned, but we can become downright hostile and angry, depending on how closely we cling to our schedules. "The more claims on life, therefore, that your patient can be induced to make," Screwtape tells his nephew, "the more often he will feel injured and, as a result, ill-tempered." I can give countless examples from my own life of when unexpected demands on my time have sent me into mental fits of rage. I want to make lunch and the sink is full of dishes. If it is "my turn" to do them, if I have planned them into my day, this isn't a problem. However, if I did not plan on doing them, the 15 minutes I spend washing the dishes I am livid with my roommates. A demand has been made on "my time," which I feel is being stolen from me.

We rarely recognize that we "can neither make, nor retain, one moment of time" and that "it all comes to [us] by pure gift." Screwtape goes on to posit that if we Christians who claim to live in service to God, were asked to really "give" him a full 24 hours of time (which doesn't belong to us in the first place), we would not hesitate. In fact, we would be relieved to the point of disappointment if allowed to spend any of that time amusing ourselves. We would be honored to give our time, to serve in whatever capacity. The time spent in random conversations, at stop lights, attending meetings, doing dishes and the like would no longer be taken from us, because it would not really belong to us, but to God. Screwtape points out that, if we were to really think about this for even a moment, we would be bound to realize that this is in fact the situation every day of our lives. Each day we live is not "ours," but is really God's.

How drastically my perspectives, and indeed my actions, would change if I lived with this mindset. Where do I get off thinking that I own my time, my body, my abilities? I did not make them. I can not make them. They do not belong to me. I selfishly wish such things had not been revealed to me, for now I must really rethink how I go about viewing my (or rather God's) time.